i don't know it will be this hard, and i don't expect it to be this emotional, as i thought its just another clean up session - bags of throw outs, piles of to-recycle papers books and magazines, clothes all mixed up. its like walking down the memory lane - of your life.
i might be innocent at that time, and all i can think of is to be disappointed, and to blame you. and after a few years, those feelings are still there. perhaps with lower intensity as much of them were faded with time, but i know its still down there. now as i started to embrace the reality, i am still disappointed - but now with myself. for not being there with you, for not doing things. like, i don't know.
reality seems to be a bit harsh for certain people, nobody says we definitely are going to survive. while for the others the path seems so perfect and easy - which make our journey harder. its not just the change of weather, and the serious deterioration in quality of public transport. while everyone else seems busy in pursuing their lives, we don't know where to turn to. its not that we didn't try to prepare beforehand, but - we (think we) are prepared to swim across the lake, unfortunately we stuck finding way to the lake. afterall, who says human are good in predicting tomorrow?
perhaps there's no other ways than turning to Him alone.
and deal with whatever coming with Him by my side.
